"Slackers" Cast Interview

Thanks to Emily for transcribing this!

Cut to: Students in class doing an exam.

Teacher: I don't want you to worry about finishing the exam. No one ever does. It's the way I designed it. So just finish writing whenever you — TIME'S UP! You, Little Red Riding Hood!

-He points at Jeff across the room.

Teacher: Stop writing. You can stop writing, sir. It's fruitless.

-Jeff signals to the teacher to get lost.

Teacher: Congratulations! You just got an F!

Jeff: Do you even know my name?

Teacher: No, I don't.

Jeff messes up the term papers, and throws them everywhere, screaming.

Cut to: The title, SLACKERS.

Cut to: Jason Schwartzman (Ethan).

Jason: This is the story of three guys that scam their way through college, and they figure out a way to not do any work, and just get by without getting caught.

Cut to: Devon Sawa (Dave).

Devon: You name it they cheat it, until one of them falls in love.

Cut to: Sam throwing a bike at a truck, and talking over the scene while falling over.

Sam: We've done this before. Do it again.

Cut to: Sam in Professor's office.

Sam: Professor Marco. I got hit by a truck today.

Professor: Are you ok?

Two other people in the office: He got hit by a truck!

Cut to: Jason Schwartzman.

Jason: One day they leave behind some evidence that my character, Ethan finds.

Cut to: Ethan in gym with Sam, Dave and Jeff playing basketball.

Ethan: I know what you did. I saw it.

Cut to: Ethan in showers with Sam, Dave and Jeff.

Ethan: Cheaters.

Cut to: Ethan in Dave's face, then running past cheerleaders in basketball court.

Ethan: I was sitting right next to you, remember me?

Cut to: showers again.

Ethan: I got the proof, I'm not afraid to expel you.

Dave: What do you want?

Sam: Money? Free dry cleaning? A Euro pass?

Ethan: No, I don't a Euro pass? NO, no! I want you to get me a girl.

Cut to: Devon.

Devon: At first, Angela's just another girl. You know? And he's like 'Oh, fine. You know what? I'll get Ethan this girl.'

Cut to: Dave and Angela on the tennis court.

Dave: His name's Ethan. He really likes you.

Cut to: James King (Angela).

James: She has fun, and she's playful, and she can play people's little games.

Cut to: Angela and Dave walking out of college.

Angela: What's the only country to start at two continents?

Dave: Turkey. I've got one for you. Guy and his son are driving down the freeway. And they get in an accident. And they go to the hospital.

Angela: And the mother was a doctor.

Cut to: Devon.

Devon: He starts taking her out to talk about Ethan, and get her to like Ethan, and he starts to realize that this girl's great and he starts falling for her. Dave is a hustler. Dave spent his whole life figuring out exactly how to do things the easy way. He makes fake Ids, he dresses up like uh different people, you know, just every way to cheat on tests to cheat girls, you name it, he does it, you know? He's he's really smooth.

Cut to: Dave and two twins at a nightclub.

Dave: I, am a professional commercial airline pilot.

The girls wiggle their butts.

Twins: Cool!

Cut to: Michael C. Maronna (Jeff).

Michael: I tend to think of us Lie, cheat and steal. And I'm Steal. I'm damn good at stealing. And Devon plays the liar and Jason (Segel) plays the cheater.

Cut to: Jeff, Dave and Sam walking out at night after hitting the showers and being confronted by Ethan.

Sam: My college career is a house of cards that's glued together with thousands of tiny little lies!

Cut to: Jason Segal (Sam).

Jason: My character is sort of quiet, but sorta a staple of the group, you know? You kinda know what to expect from Sam. Sam knows what's what, and he knows what he wants.

Cut to: Reanna and Sam in class.

Sam: You know what? Why don't you shut your little mouth, you skank?

Cut to: Laura Prepon (Reanna).

Laura: Reanna's completely different from Angela. So I'm actually tryin You know, Reanna's supposed to bring Angela, and loosen up a bit, and teach her tricks about guys, and how to like You know, handle guys, and put them on the edge, and stuff like that, and be the one in control.

Cut to: Dewey Nicks (The Director).

Dewey: I put this group of actors together that could bounce off each other, and they have, you know? I mean, they each have their characteristics.

Cut to: Dave.

Dave: One more job. I say we bury him.

Cut to: Ethan and Dave.

Ethan: Bring me the girl, Dave. Or you and your friends are goin' down!

Ethan falls down the stairs behind him.

Cut to: Laura.

Laura: Schwartzman is so funny… so much fun. He's like the class clown in the movie. All the extras just looking at him were laughing, cos he's just so funny.

Cut to: Ethan singing BADLY up to Angela.

Ethan: Oh, Angela!

A guy throws a Frisbee at Ethan, and it hits him on the nose.

Ethan: Aaah!

Cut to: Jason Schwartzman putting on a pair of shades.

Jason: On the way to work it's like: 'Yo Who do I gotta kiss today?' There was this moment where I had a scene under Cameron Diaz, and she's like The Big Cheese.

Cut to: Ethan on Angela's couch.

Ethan: You be quiet, hair doll!

Cut to: Dave.

Dave: I mean, Ethan, he's nuts!

Cut to: Jason Schwartzman.

Jason: He's very smart, uh, but nobody wants much to do with him.

Cut to; Dave an Ethan's door.

Dave: I brought you coffee.

Ethan: I don't tough that stuff.

Dave: Can I come in?

Ethan: No. No one comes into Ethan's room.

Cut to: Jason Schwartzman.

Jason: Uh, he's sort of a loner, and dark, and a little not a psycho, but he doesn't like to be called a psycho. One of those guys.

Cut to: Ethan talking to Dave.

Ethan: I'm kickin' you guys out, unless you find a new place. No hospitals. No, you're not gettin' me to go to a hospital.

Dave: It's a beautiful hospital.

Ethan: That's what they said before.

Cut to: Dave and Jeff.

Dave: I gotta be with Angela.

Jeff: As your attorney, I can't advise that.

Cut to: Ethan and Angela at a homeless food shelter.

Angela: The guy that I really like is your friend Dave.

Ethan: Dave?

Angela: Yeah!

Ethan: Fudge!

Cut to: Devon.

Devon: Love brings the whole thing down.

Cut to: Dave, Ethan and Angela.

Angela: Is this a hair doll?

Ethan: I didn't make that. It fell out of you hair that way!

Angela: It fell out of you hair that way?

Ethan: Give it back. Give it back!

Angela: I don't think so. NO!

Ethan: I WANT IT BACK!

Angela: Let it go!

Ethan Stamps his feet. Dave smiles sweetly at him. Ethan shouts at him.

Ethan: YOU'RE GOIN' DOWN!

End.

Back 12.31.2007.