'MTV Cribs' Transcript

Devon’s house is in Los Angeles, California, which includes 2 bedrooms, 3 baths plus has a wrap-around deck!

Devon: What’s up MTV? My name is Devon Sawa and I’m gonna give you a tour of my house as soon as I take out this trash.

Jason: Hey morning Dev. How are ya? Hey can I use your shower? Woah. Who’s your friends? (Looking at the camera)

Devon: This is Jason Schwartzman, he’s in the movie with me. He’ll probably be tagging along as usual. As you know what? Wait, I’m just gonna get changed and I’ll be with you in a second.

— Jason walks out of Devon’s garage where he is currently living —

Jason: Alright let’s go inside Devon’s house, check it out. Gotta get my key. (Jason pulls out a card and tries to get inside)

Devon (opens the door): Listen Schwartzman I told you. I’m doing an MTV thing right now and um you know what? While I’m doing this tour, can, can you behave? Thank you. (to us) Come in! This is my house! This is my couch (black) here.

— Jason goes to sit on Devon’s couch —

Devon: Don’t sit! Do not sit on my couch.

Jason: Sorry…

Devon: All right then. Nice suede couch good for reading, relaxing and —

— Jason goes to touch it again —

Devon: Don’t touch! Don’t…(Devon gets up and walks over to..) This over here, somebody had built into the wall. It’s like sort of a…well I don’t know what it is. Here’s some pictures in here, some of my girlfriend and this is my sh! trip to Afeno. Over here we have the kitchen. (walks into the kitchen) This poppi we use a lot, there’s a lot of our cooking in this microwave here.

— Devon shows us this magnet with lips on it, which makes kissing noises and says ‘I love you! I love you!’ —

Devon: Yeah my girlfriend gave me that.

Jason: Okay! Emeril Lagasse let’s see what you have in your fridge!

Devon: Alright! In the fridge we have of course pickled tomatoes, sauerkraut, pickles (also in there ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’, also oranges) and a fly. A bee. (Devon closes fridge) Keep it in there.

Jason: Ah.

Devon: And then here we have the master bedroom. Here is the master bedroom. The bed, fan, had artwork. Yeah, the monkeys I, ah just started getting my girlfriend like every couple of months. She’s starting to collect them now. We are gonna eventually have them all around the bed. A bed full of monkeys! All right! Let’s go downstairs! (walks downstairs) This is where I spend most of my time. It’s my arcade or whatever. Oh here we have turntables, which I’m just beginning to learn. Right here we have the candy machine. Schwartzman always steals the key, he gets free candy.

Jason (smiles): I don’t know…

Devon: I don’t make any money off of him…This is the bar uh which I had put in when the house has been built.

Jason (behind the bar, to Devon): Hey old timer! What can I get ya?

Devon (smiles): I’ll, uh, have a beer please. (Soon enough, camera views a picture of Eminem and Devon) Picture of Eminem when I did the video. This! Pinball machine which I play a lot. We have Street Fighter 2 game. I used to play in High School a lot. We used to skip class and go play at the arcade. Dart board, which doesn’t get much use because, frankly, it’s not the best dartboard. The darts never stick in!

Jason: Ah. Go ahead man let’s try one!

Devon: Here go.

Jason (misses): Bitch.

Devon: Nice. Now to the TV room where I watch a lot of movies.

Jason (shocked): Holy Jeepers!

Devon: I kind of got a little Blockbuster going on here. (looking at the DVD’s) I think I got like 600 have 700.

Jason: It’s kinda lonely. (Jason then shows the camera the Idle Hands DVD!)

Devon: Where’s Scarface?

Jason: Uh! Yeah you have to have Scarface.

Devon: I know I have the scar…it’s gotta be in here somewhere. I got my favorite in here so where is that one? Aw…see. (he found it!)

Jason: Awwww.

Devon (to Jason): Come here little buddy. (Devon then hugs Jason)

This is the deck, spent a lot of the time in the summer. I got the foosball out here. (looking at the view) This is the main reason why I bought the house. You can just stand here for hours and take in the view. Usually when I rehearse my lines and read scripts, I just do it out here. There’s the Griffin Observatory.

Jason: they have a better view than you!

Devon: You know what? I’m gonna let Jason…(pauses)

Jason (smiles): It’s not really…it’s just a thing I made up. Just a little…yeah I’ll show it to ya. It’s where I feel safe. It’s my little nest where I got in the winter and put my little acorns

— Guys laugh. Jason and Devon walk upstairs and head out the door —

Jason: Follow me.

Jason’s place is in Devon’s garage, California and is the home studio, office of which has 0 bedrooms and 0 baths.

Jason: This is ah Kasei de la Schwartzman. It’s where I live. It’s where I live out here in Devon’s garage. Yeah lemme just take you on inside and show you what it’s about. (Jason shows you a small tent) I have some small records here, the well talented Synthesizer, Man on Mystery, tours —

Devon: Earthquake!! (Devon shakes the tent while Jason is in there.)

Jason: Woah. Dev not in LA. This is my little computer where I email from, my phone, my office and this is my workstation. My sequential circuit drum machine and my fenart champhead (?). I could show you a beat that I was working on.

Devon (screams): Schwartzman turn it down!!

Jason: Sorry, Devon. (Jason keeps playing loud)

Devon: Eh! Schwartzman!

Jason: You get the idea.

Devon: Turn it down! (closing)

Devon: Thanks for stopping by.

Jason: I’m Jason Schwartzman.

Devon: Devon Sawa. Thank you.

Jason: We’re in the movie Slackers, head way 1st. Thanks for letting us show you our cribs. See ya wouldn’t wanna be ya! Backstreet.

Back 12.31.2007.